dealing with financially irresponsible family members

It's all about control. Does some stupid person out there REALLY think that parents such as myself who has given their lives 4 their kids, along with almost every DAMN dime 2 be sure they didnt do without can still have a great, wealthy, retirement! I live month to month, and refuse to spend on anything but barely surviving, and the rest goes only for my business. Im trying to avoid getting into this situation by probing my parents about their finances now, when they are still several years from retirement. Complains day and night about everything. My father after he found out continued to take her over there when I was not able to be there and continue to steal from her. I will say a not so dirty little secret is that, Americans are growing increasingly selfish than we were for generations. Family is what you make it and its not defined by blood alone so if your parents did little to help you then you owe them nothing. Growing up, my parents were very careful with money. And if we need help, why should pride stop us from asking? I do feel it is my duty to care for them, but it not my duty to give them any lifestyle they desire. Read Dave Ramsey or something similar if you need a plan. Different laws define these terms differently. The wise thing would be for people to start contacting their state congressmen and representatives to get these laws modified or done away with entirely. Either way. It is much easier to feel resentment! But so what, its time for them to grow up at the age of 68 & 69 and its time for me to stop feeling guilt and take care of myself and my family so i do not repeat this cycle. Im so angry because I know she is squandering her money because she feels that when she runs out and cant pay her bills, she can just move in with me and my husband. In all reality, most parents do not want to be controlled or told what do by their children and if you all were my kids there would be no fear of you EVER taking care of me. My parents feel entitled and dont think twice about taking money from my family. It is raising and nurturing that do and that is what makes a parent worthy of honor. Are *you* willing to subsidize his mother and siblings at the cost of your own retirement? I had to file bankruptcy at 27 years old just to get out of the hole I let her put me in. I am in this very situation with my husbands mother. Shes BKd twice now. They only live in one. My Dad owns his own businesses. Im sorry if my parents generation didnt think of the financial and emotional responsibility of raising a child, it is not your childs responsibility to take care of you, it is your responsibility to take care of your child. If your comment is directed to Kim..its not even her mother, its her mother in law. Me and my husband work very hard and save very hard, my mother has not worked in 20 years (by choice) and they pay my sisters bills (by choice). I doubt most parents who did help their kids want their kids bailing them out if they can avoid it. Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered. Perhaps they ask for money constantly or even have a regular stipend from you. Tell that woman to get her G.E.D. :(. Thought I had problems! My Father throughout his youth enjoyed a wealthy, lavish lifestyle had his own apartment in London, flash cars and a cleaner. Its never hopeless. And I learned from my mothers focus on a perfect home that time with friends is far more important than dusting. If he gets into financial trouble, scammed, etc. Ive found that the first time I say no is very hard, but once I say it, they may no longer expect as many yeses. If we want a better market and more independent people, Ive seen this in formerly homeless people, help them get on their feet. It's hard to know how to respond to relatives who reach out for financial help. My widowed mother saw fit to live well outside her means as well as support an older (10 years+ my senior, married) sibling of mines bad habits. I think they fit in the 44% category44-54 year olds with less than $10k. I tred softly when this issue comes up (he is burdened by the way) because this is his mother but it is uncalled for. No. Retrieved from, Jason, J. I was in my early 30s at that time.. We were very successful for 10 years. And that may mean being homeless. Its a life challenge that you need to face and stabilise. I am from the UK and living in Canada. My parents retired and decided to live like royalty. In that case sure, if something drastic happened, they would help. This is a trust issue, as youre trusting your romantic partner to be able to stick to the things youve promised. Feeling frustrated by family-related financial kerfuffles? Seems like a pretty hopeless situation any advice would be welcomed. As fiscally conservative as my parents are I really cant imagine the scenario that youre talking about however I would probably do it regardless if for no other reason then its the right thing to do. In fact 30 of 50 states are filial responsibility states. Require them to read The Total Money Makeover. I am a single parent who has provided for him longer than my own children and now that mine kids both out on their own, I am ready to downsize my home and get on with my life and feel stuck continuing to support him and let him live with me. I truly hope that you have never offended someone in your real life as much as you offended me with that comment, and if you have you should probably worry more about your selfish soul than everyone else. The point of this article is that the law is making kids pay for their parents care when the parents screwed up and didnt save enough and whether that should even be legal since if I cannot control someone legally why should I be held financially responsible for their actions and inactions? After they blew it on crap and on bailing my brother out of debt, I dont think I will help them out again. We have to fund their retirement, while somehow try to save for our own. Hopefully, I can take advantage of various healthcare options such as Medicare and even Medigap insurance plan for them so that my own savings would not be that affected due to their needs. I recently told my Mother that she may be homeless if she doesnt do something soon. any suggestions?pls. Im still in university, teaching abroad in Korea right now. To be Given LIFE?, .I Dont remember anybody asking their own Parents to be Born*. It wasnt as bad as Ive heard recently, but Im sure theyve cracked down. I made alot of mistakes..I wish I had died.Now I live in hell and so much pain of having to burden my son. Their only concern is their own welfare. We cant save anything for retirement,much less emergency funds. I can say that up until the age of 15 I enjoyed life (when I wasnt at school) my parents seemed to be financially secure at the time but the house we lived in was rented. It was great to read your post as it spoke to me. Try love. Thank you, Noway, for bringing reality-based perspective regarding irresponsible, selfish, entitled parents into much needed focus! In April of this year she turns 60. The hard thing may be the best thing: move out, leave them to their own devices, and live your own life. That would have been very unfair. I have never asked them for anything, not even when i was a single parent who became stuck with my ex husbands debt that i didnt even know about. Help that person find a job. Favoritism hurts. 4. Have you ever been abandoned? They are individuals with no obligations to you, you choose to have them not the other way around. The original intent was to require family to provide basic food and shelter to their elderly. just to make sure my life and marriage are safe from the volatility and hardship of a non-funded parental retirement but I know how luck I have been to have had time and work to accomplish that. When No One in the Family Wants to Pay Property Taxes, What Can You Do? Couldnt agree more! And yet they try to make us (their offspring, pay for their mistakes both emotionally and financially). I will never put this kind of burden on my children and do not plan to retire until they drag me out. I am 53 Y.O. Common cents already explained the logic behind this very thoroughly. Your reply lacks compassion for this grown child so I suppose you may have something in common with the selfish old parent who now wants a free ride. Which Savings Account Will Earn You the Most Money? Either way, I will probably help out my mother as long as she is as independent as she can be to the best of her abilities. I suffer from SMI. 18. All the while, 2 older siblings live home rent free and Mom still pays their cell phone bills (both over 25) my boyfriend (who I love with) thinks I sound cruel saying hes being taken advantage of. Five children, my boyfriend being the youngest and the Only one to help his mom financially.. This is an immediate gratification society. He also has no car. A series of unfortunate events led to my parents financial demise from which they never recovered. It caused me to give up high heels and gloves and hair spray and learn how to ride horses, fish and become a huntress. You cant say no to them, and they KNOW you cant. This is an incredibly emotional topic, and as such it is difficult to think in the abstract about what you would do. Other people also get furstrated with them, you cant tell me that the 20 odd people that chased them away all are in humane. I know Im a horrible enabler but cant say no to my family. I have to agree. Parents who spend tomorrows prosperity today end up less than prosperous. You can sign up for almost every service known Overheard at Costco recently: Wow. Even though my fathers parents were super responsible and never took a penny from any of their children, my father thought nothing of quitting a perfectly good job and retiring in his 50s (although he has been perfectly capable of working). My questionable / problem is that she spend more than R11000-00 ($1250-00) p/m on her semi retired parents. In south africa its very difficult for white males to find work so you try to keep what you have. Im not going to enable anybodys bad habits but I do think things should be looked at on a case by case basis as we do have a familial responsibility. You MUST break a cycle of stretched resources and under funded retirement scenarios. I have tried to talk to them about financial planning, transparent with their financial status and understand future healthcare needs nothing worked. Her 2nd husband passed away and they had not a penny to their name. It must be a fabulous, charmed life that you live to not understand that post. While young people are now being priced out of the housing market and not gaining access to careers in many cases resulting in over educated people who can explain very clearly why they have terrible problems but who have no experience or capital to fix them. I hope that you can emotionally recover from the bs your parents have put you through. Vacations are camping trips; clothes are bought second hand; entertainment is by groupon/coupon, etc. After a year or so she got sick of working and quit her part time job. Due to the financial horrors I suffered as a child i never feel financially safe. Dont Obsess Over Investment Returns, but you MUST Obsess Over this, The Best & Cheapest Tax Software for 2023, Save Money on Amazon: A List of Amazon Discounts, Promos, & Price Hacks, Get Free 20somethingfinance Newsletter Emails, Only 15% aged 44-54 have over $250,000 saved. If it were my parents or his father, I would bend over backward to help them as they have worked very hard and saved hard their whole lives. then what? I have been my moms go to in the detailed discussion department. But, aside from that financial concern, the match seems great. I dont mind helping out my family but its the fact that its always such large amounts of money and Im worried about my own financial future, when my parents are unable to work or care for themselves I would have to do it but if I dont have finances of my own how can I as they have no saving themselves. Theres a proverb that says in times of test, family is best.. They have also started asking me when Im going to get married and have children so that youre have someone to take care of you and provide for you when youre old. I guess that shows their intentions for having a child. If unwilling you know youre just wasting time, resources, and your sanity. I dont think you should owe parents just because the gave birth to you. But this generation of mid twenty and thirdly somthing think they DESERVE somthing for nothing are plain old lazy and spoiled rotten. However I am backing away from that at this time because of the strain. They have a tax lien on the house and owe thousands and dont have a retirement plan. The ridiculous and unnecessary pending the goes on is sad. In fact, the most damaging manifestations of . Either way, selfish people arent who youre supposed to help as a religious person. Baby boomers are going to demand retirement (ignorantly or not), and as I explored last week in my inheritance post, theiraverage retirement savings are dismal: Even if your parents are in that stark minority (15 or 19%) with a decent amount of savings, would you feel safe having them retire to never work again on that amount of savings? When my grandparents were older, they lived more modestly, knowing that they would have to pay for things without any earnings from work for possibly a long time. His sister acts like shes also entitled to being taken care of by her younger brother. Neither party should let anything go unsaid or risk a misunderstanding. Fortunately my parents have always been extremely retirement/savings conscious, and while earning a decent living, lived within their means. No one has any inherent obligation towards another unless they want to.

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