my husband left me because he was unhappy

My ex left me the day after Christmas. He is a sociopath who researched, calculated and executed a horrific crime on another human being with no remorse, empathy, compassion and humanity!! My husbanda and u got married at a very young age, I was 20 and he was 23. I been with my sons father for 8 years and throughout the whole 8 years he never treated me like a real person he always treated me like I was one of his friends and I never had the respect given from him to me but anyhow I stayed in this relationship it was rocky on and off I even left eight months in 2013 and he came back in 2014 of December and things have not been right every since I asked him cuz he have a history of cheating on me while we were in our relationship and always ask about other people were there at and why do you choose to keep coming back well I got a bit of a surprise in January of 2015 I was with him and that was the last time Ive been with him I found out that he have had a friend on the side and Im actually okay with that because the relationship has been rocky since the beginning so I just want to know why he didnt tell me straight forward that he was leaving me for another woman. Know your legal rights ! He said that he all of a sudden doesnt remember asking for a divorce. Ive been there and now Im free from his affairs. We share same breathe. this is the ugliest experience i ever had, losing my wife after 16yrs of marriage having 3boyz nd 2galz we got married age 25 nd 21, but now am 41 shes 37. i started noticing long calls chats and messages together with her painful attitude of coming home very late. Thank you for sharing. I still hate him as much today as I did when he told me he was moving out. This is how they survive. CassieD Im in Pennsylvania. Once my divorce was finalized, I met someone else myself, however my x then began to use this new person of mine to hide her guilt. I asked if you need a brae thats fine but can we still be a couple she said no, she took her name off the lease fast and I noticed at night I could see she was on messenger most of the night. We were happy. She told them that they were staying with me, she couldnt afford them. There had been so many years apart and having four children between the two of us makes moving forward difficult to say the least. Had a six month affair with my real estate agent next door. He said he found a small house in our town and just needs time. I am so truly heartbroken. I just want to know what people think, and if anything would help. Im SO GLAD I am off that (not so) Merry go round come roller coaster rides through dark depressive rides in and out of sadness. Hi all, my husband has been feeling off this past year and thinks he has depression. My exwife left me for some guy she meet at a club and he choked her to death. So you have a spouse with mental illness, divorce is on the cards, and even though you know it's the right thing you cannot stop yourself from feeling crippled with guilt. Very timely This just didnt happen in my family. I am humiliated, devastated and heartbroken he would replace me so quickly. I wish it on no one.. Praying for you Wayne as I hope you pray for me.. Miracles still happened.. I just dont understand why she would lie to me after all the love weve shared all this time. We have two children together and she has two other children by two other fathers that are not in their lives. Well I am the adulterous turned bunny boiler. It is you used to do this , you used to do that. Thanks for your response. We did everything together, literally. You are brave to reach out, that is the first sign you are ready to stand up for yourself and ready to take yourself back. 8. It caused me to have a heart attack, literally. I must think it is permanant. And i did love her very much at the time, thinking that i was going to spend the rest of my life with her as well. And the same is true of your new companion. No point of taking her back at all cuz if u do she will do it again. Hang in there. Does he love her more then me? Yes I was pissed beyond belief. She is also ready to date a friend who I had welcomed into my home. Your partner met someone else. Please try to get some structure in your and your sons life. He is ultimately holding you hostage to his lack of emotional control. Dh comes over to see kids every night. I went to the closet to get my stuff and she had already thrown all my clothes in a pile by the closet door, when she folded and placed his stuff in my drawers and closet. Please help me with the divorce decision please. Enter your account data and we will send you a link to reset your password. He apologized but, i know that he meant it. I am going through it myself. Anyone looking in from the outside would say Im a fool. She says she wants to live by herself with her 3 kids cause they are better off without me. Please contact us if you have any questions. Btw she is the only family i have here and i cant get past the fact that she doesnt love me anymore I love him but Im so angry at him for leaving us. They are just girls. Lou, So basically now I am with my 6 yr old no way of supporting anything he says he will help me a bit for a month. Next thing I knew, he was upstairs in our house while I was downstairs. Be greatful for what you have not what you dont. My wife and I have a 2 year old son. When she does she simply says she doesnt want to be married anymore. I am the one who needs help, not him. finally her mom gets ahold of her and she calls me and says I can pick up the girls now. She told me she was leaving, that she had been unhappy for about a month, and that she needed to figure out who she was, saying that because she hadnt really been single for a lengthy period since she was 18 (shes 22 now) she based her individuality on her relationship. Depressed partners regret leaving very often, yes, but it should not be a pattern. Travelling back and forth abroad to see her. Really sucks actually knowing it was never a mistake or anything like that. 2. Home Terms of Service Privacy Policy Sitemap Subscribe to The GoodTherapy Blog. I think on diffrent levels most of us suffer with anxiety, depression. The very best i could do is tip toe and stear her away from the many triggers for her depression and rage. Character counts, have some standards that you are not willing to make exceptions on. So she waits and just ripps all he has from him while deployed knowing I had no chance. Orr T. (2022). I cried, yelled, threaten to go to his boss unless he told me the absolute truth. 6. People need real information or else they divorce prematurely and they often go on to divorce again and again (more research!). My wife is leaving me after 24 years and I was great to her and she even admitted it but got bored with me and started treating me terrible. They have always talked and been friends through this whole separation. Hello all im still Jon.and yes Im still sad and miserable and confused and lonely.. Well he landed a job for a few days baby needed 2 cans of formula and diapers He didnt bother buying them. My therapist said I may never get an answer and for my black-and-white brain is a little difficult. We have kids high school age. Me if I did nothing then to love him.I asked him to tell me the truth and he said he was confused that loved me but he also had feelings again for her. This podcast explores all things love and relationships. I dropped the kids off with her mom on Sunday who had made that arrangement so to avoid me. By the way Don how do you meet people on line? I have become this weird doormat type character to her waiting on her every move. From my perspective your husband saying that he is not happy could mean several things: 1. My ex husband was in the house until the divorce papers dictated his date of departure . She left you without warning after 10 years of marriage because her family and a so called friend pushed her to do so. We are separated now for 6 months. I know he broke your heart and betrayed every single romantic connection you ever had together, but that doesnt mean he cant change. 2015 he wanted to return but i was afraid to living together so i left him out there. So, basically this proves to me she was using me for some time, which (while devastating perhaps) allows me to at least be thankful she isnt, and cant anymore. We will pay 25 for every Letter to (please write about 600-700 words), Playlist, Snapshot or We Love to Eat we publish. They will never know how grateful I am. Im living the same right now married 12 years and 2 kids 9 and 11 yrs old. I just have to take the bruise to the heart hearing it and suck it up, thats what its been left to. My virginity was stolen from me raped at the age of 14 by 2 people I thought were my friends. I can have my flatulence moments with only the kids laughing at me and I am learning about me. About a month ago, I separated from him because I did not feel like he actually loved me. I was there for him when he was at his lowest point. He hasnt come home in over two months. Hi Katelyn. Then I cant get in touch,feels weird and horrible. My husband has decided he wants to seperate, because he needs to focus on his career. This is unacceptable behavior from your husband. Im sorry that you have to go through this, but all the pain youre feeling is valid. I know your not talking directly to me but it felt as though you were thank you again , Thank you so much I need this and the Most high, Hi I need some advice.. Im married with 2 beautiful kids under the age of 3 .. My husband of 4 years left me when I was 5 months pregnant with our son last year I find out he is sleeping with someone he worked with at the time. I am blessed to have a wonderful circle of friends and family to support me .. My wife of 10 years went on a weekend trip with our daughter. Oh gosh Im sorry for your pain. So feel free to cry and scream as much as you want because its perfectly normal to hurt. That some young girl paid attention to him. I am sad but trying to get my life back together. A month ago my partner of 4 years woke up got ready for work, was just about to leave when I asked him about meeting to go book our summer holidays he turned to me and said I dont think we should as I dont live you anymore Im leaving you. It is a growing trend in the United States. There are good people ..you are one of them, I am one of themWe need to keep fighting and believing for those of us out there who do care. I was devastated! My husband left me citing this as the only reason. When I left my mairriage of 8 years and finally divorce after 14 years I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I will never go back to my ex husband. Never was there a conversation of custody or living nearby to split parenting. ;) Again, terrific article! While it . That lasted for 6 months and she then moved to her own apartment, the entire time stating that she didnt know what she wanted. Hey guys:) go to church! We have two children whom are now adults, with the youngest being 18. Hi Wendy, I was a bit like you a year ago, had so much to reflect over I didnt know where to start . Nothing has meaning. Dont screw yourself. Do not try to get her back at this time at least. I explained I couldnt make it and walked away. Part of me suspects my wife is one of the mentioned types who craves new love all the time. I have been married for 27 years and we dated for 4 years. I have a personality disorder and I know from info I have from my psychiatrist, John Hopkins U and the Mayo Clinic to name a few that personality disorders do have a genetic component. No way! I stopped 2 suicide attempts, had to commit her to hospitals until she got out of her dark spots. Abuse is never okay, and help is available if you are experiencing it. One of the quickest ways to destroy your marriage is to leave your wife alone. What happened was, my ex husbands lawyer kept canceling the hearings, four months later they just dropped the case, by then I was so distraught. To the outside world, Emme lived a charmed life. The preceding article was solely written by the author named above. Im more of a scientific type, and having no answer as to how you can just pick up and walk away from everything youve created is beyond me. I am caught between being committed to get through the bad stuff to get to the good stuff and being tired of all the conflict and chaos. We looked at the rings on Friday in my favorite shop went in tried on a ring I had seen months before , on the evening we had family and friends over. And got into dark goth vampire stuff.she told me it was all just a joke. I guess I didnt mind it happening it was just the way it did and the lying about it. 1. I know he did this to keep them as Daddys girls. Personal interview. Then we were transferred to another state for his job. He hutted me so bad and couldnt understand how he could be doing this to. Thats not a man.. It is natural to . Ive let go, Ive got my life back and cant wait to hear you and others on this site can feel the same way . God has the peace you seek. Jimminy Cricket, If youre 11 years older, are 50, and taking $700 a month and $25,000, no wonder shes dumping you. I am obsessed with telling his wife. Looking for some advise,please. Good luck if you think this fits him. What a way to throw a wrench in! Her friends, family and coworkers all pushed her. I truly dont know what to do. I work everyday to get stronger and grateful for what I do have, but the hurt is unbearable.Why didnt he just tell me he found someone else and wanted a divorce?? Im so hurt right now I didnt know what I do wrong to deserve this..anyways as youve said people should move on it us very easy to say but when you are in situation is very hard. May Han, a licensed marriage and family therapist from Beaverton, Oregon, says their abandonment could be due to a past trauma being activated by something in your relationship but, that may have nothing to do with the current partner.. I know how you feel. No marriage is perfect.you take the good with bad.and we had alot of good. We are now 10 months after the filing and he has left again, stating he is trying to get his head straight. Over the Xmas period she started to become distant, but I put it primarily down to the fact that her grandad, who shes very close to, is now in a home with Alzheimers and it would be her first Xmas without him. Give him a time frame. And the holidays are almost here, I know Im not going to feel better by then, so that has me down also since Ill be all alone for the first time through that. Hey there all. Who locks their 3 year old out in the place with your bedroom door locked and not answering the child cry until the next morning when your mother shows up with your older child because you cant watch her overnight anymore and really dont watch the other one. (2009). Meanwhile he wanted to go out with his friends after work and have few drinks. If you feel lost and hurt by this vast life turmoil, you have come to the right place for help. If you want to get over the pain and suffering, the best thing you can do is forgive your husband and move on with your life. And I cant get past feeling devastated, crying when Im alone after work until I go to bed. Where r u? Perhaps your husband has a personality disorder. I found a job making less money but I manage. Cherish what you had, and work on closing that chapter as you prepare for the next. Needless to say, I reminded him of the timing he set up and we did not get married. I am because I see him for who he is and I cannot pretend anymore, and that is a problem. And you will get there. The following morning I came across more items that appeared to be missing from the house again and when I was once again told that he had given items to family members without even discussing it with me, I became very upset and hurt. Unbelievable. I love her so much, and have always been devoted to her, never lied to her, never cheated, never been controlling or jealous etc. Always remember that just because the past didn't turn . Look at the research its madness what people are ending marriages for .The problem is you are supposed to be a team function as a team nothing else or anyone else matters . One thing I am scared of is that my heart as sensible to all the facts as is it is not closed towards him. I will follow this for now. Persistent denials coupled with ego aggravates everything . Im not sure whats worse having your spouse off the deep end and watching them demonstrate it, or having someone appear completely intact going through life whilst I am going WTF Trust and believe Carma is on its way. *they need to take some time for themselves I didnt like the use of pronouns on this articlehe feels unappreciated, she met someone else, he doesnt love you anymore. Straamy2 where are you from? Sociopaths goal is take a human being and destroy them down to the bottom of their soul. Youre absolutely right! What Im trying to say is that it becomes about saving face. Here are 14 tips for women who still love their husbands, even though they left them: Life without your husband is a blessing. And I knew that deep down inside my pysche I had unresolved issues or aftereffects of the early abuse, and the damage to my self that had never been repaired, let alone looked at. No morals and narcissistic behaviour a lot of people today you can see that with the sort of dating sites out there promoting affairs. I know he hurt you really badly and broke your heart, but that doesnt mean that he cant fix it. Is he struggling with finances? We are taking it slow and I hope to move there within a year Above all. OConnor P, et al. My girlfriend of almost 9 years didnt just have an affair she had and is still in a relationship with a married supervisor from her work instead of telling me that she found someone new or telling his wife and ruining his marriage he convinced her to call the police on me have me arrested for breaking and entering the house through an unlocked backdoor.i didnt find out about this relationship until after I was released from city cells with the conditions of my release being no contact at all with her and I cant go 200 meters near the house I had two visits with my three kids where on the second visit the children told me this man was coming to the house and was there after they went to bed the next day after that visit low and behold I was arrested for child assault(a complete lie of course)and now I cant see or talk to my kids either my lawyer says trial will be into the New Year for sure if I plead not guilty.so when you think you got it bad just remember my life. I still work full time. This was a choice she made and didnt care about you or your feelings or your child for that matter. She ignored my calls and texts between then. Im trying to take it one day at s time but the anxiety is tough I keep ruminating and worrying about the future.i just keep telling myself for now its hard but Ive got to keep it together for my kids, Hi Im married since 11 months my wife is very sensitive and warm hearted.. We both feel so strongly that we are right for each other, we trully do love each other. From this list you can click to view our members full profiles and contact the therapists themselves for more information. Give yourself the time and space to really reflect on what she has done, try some couples counseling, and then decide how you want to move forward. She tells me that she hasnt cheated on me even tho I have my doubts. There are not only 5 reasons a relationship ends is all Im pointing out. Trying to force him to love you again is a waste of time because thats not how love works. My parents passed last year, her mother has been on her death bed and abusive to my wife as she takes care of her. But if you cannot have her sort what you want with the kids and remove yourself from the situation as soon as you can so you can focus on your kids and studies. He doesnt seem to understand that his actions create conflict in our relationship. If I had had this information back when I started courting my spouse specifically pertaining to her, I would NEVER have committed to anything. The sudden realization sets in: my husband left me. Im in Oregon. I started loving my wife when I was 15. Spousal Abandonment Syndrome is when one of the spouses leaves the marriage without any warning, andusually-without having shown any signs of unhappiness with the relationship. If a man is wondering, looking, you can almost bet he is cheating. Photo, Ondine Corewijn/Stocksy. Any advice please? I have been begging wife to stop the lies, stop the backstabbing, and stop the abuse of pills and alcohol.. without trust there is no foundation without a foundation the house falls. My boyfriend of 24 yrs left me and our kids two months ago, we have two daughters that live with us one is 22yrs old and the other one is 23 yrs old and she is terminal ill who needs 24 hr care. This is a way to avoid your hurt and not deal with your emotional health. She has also began lying, eg i found out she was seeing a counsellor, she said they were actually friends, but I have seen she has been paying her fees on her bank statements. I just dont see it. I felt like a criminal. Thats my situation in a nut shell. Wife is splitting after 10 years. She ruined mothers day after I bought her gifts and took her out. We live in a rural area and funds are limited for different counciling but I feel he has walked out on me when things were at the worst and when I needed support the most. It really hurts. I know I need to focus on myself, but easier said than done when I just want to cry & sleep. He has gone to his friends to see if we can make it work. I think the worst part is I feel like Ive had my heart ripped out with no closure, as I was left no explanation to her leaving, and pieced over the night that she hadnt been being honest with me about what she had been doing, who shes been seeing etc. There will be light at the end of the tunnel, you just have to search for it and stay positive no matter what. Scharnett-King K. (2022). And protect yourself because if shes not looking out for you you need to. Most husbands work outside the home to provide for the family. It took me about 6 months before I tried to get help and went to therapy. He left me and 3 weeks after he was already dating a girl. I realized I needed help, again, and I have since been doing that. Drugs and cheating were problems in the past. Dog depression is similar to the kind we as humans experience. Recently we tried to get this back but he does not find me attractive although I am slim, fit and look young for my age. Someone please help I feel like dying inside but I dont want to loose him I am in pain cant stop crying . So because he wanted to embark on a full sexual relationship with his affair partner, he left the very next day and moved to a different city. Hes cut that off and I am bereft no kiss, no cuddle, no sweet goodbye when he sees me off to work. Nah Im good thanks, I can and will survive this, besides I had a few hours sleep last night. They might cry a lot more often unexpectedly. Sometimes, experiences that create lifestyle overhauls can put new, unexpected strain on relationships. His behavior is classic. After about a week of begging to see my kids she finally agreed. For his mothers birthday I baked and cooked all night and day. But wow now three months of this has gone by and it only gets worse. You feel criticized. Be careful, maybe hire a lawyer before you get your settlement. And he just does not get it. I dont think I will ever be able to understand it and it scares the HELL out of me when once in a while I think I get inside of his mind what he thought process was to abuse me. We can use our parents for communication or others but absolutely zero contact from now on is the only way to make the hurt stop. My children (we have 2) would always mention and ask what does dad do up there?. Guilt that you divorced your mentally ill spouse. We'd love to hear your stories. Is evn more so when you realize how little value people place on others life and livelihood. I see its been a week since you wrote this post.. Is he moving out? Im now in a great place but I still have difficult moments and difficult days, specifically when it comes to parenting alone or finding things to do on the weekends. He acts like nothing is wrong, asks me to go hang with them etc. And thats not good because he wont want to be with anyone who cant keep her self-respect. Last medically reviewed on October 20, 2022. His battlefield far out weighs ours! Husband suffeing depression has left me. Because sinners are selfish! Everything felt new and unfamiliar. My children were now being brainwashed into believing I left then for this new woman as well as a few of her not so close friends. For example, its typically easier to digest the idea that you and your partner grew apart than it is to consider the possibility that he or she fell out of love with you. Then, the suggestion clearly doesnt apply. I can barely sleep I usually try to find places to go to get my mind off things. I honestly never thought I would recover but it was a blessing in disguise because now I have my own home and am absolutely loving life. All rights reserved. i had love in college. As for me, i dont want to be in the same time zone as my estranged wife And when the kids are both out of the house, I fully intend to leave the continent. Im not sure where that fell short, like I said maybe its because I didnt fluff his feathers every minute, telling him how wonderful he was every minute of every day. However we were married 7 years together for 16, and 3 kids My husband found someone 11 years younger and left me 8 weeks after meeting her!! after 45 years i gave into Separation in 2012, and he insisted on A Divorce and and started on in Sept 2012 which was bitter and financially. Weve never lost our affection and it seems to me that Im the one who is expected to do all the changing. There were no offers for resources, no books or pamphlets, no direction on what to do next., I have fantastic close friends and an even better-extended family. You can find online communities everywhere. Two more days pass and today she texts about me packing the house (I am going to lose it) and she is now not retuning until June 30th but not necessarily here as she insists upon a divorce. What hes actually regretful about is how he left, which means he probably regretted telling you. He feels I am impossible to please. Part of the reason was because he was working too much and I was left to take care of the children while dealing with my emotional issues. Permission to publish granted by Andra Brosh, PhD. Same happen to me when my husband left me but with the great help of great mutaba my husband came back to me. I feel so betrayed, devastated and its really painful to me. Unfortunately, theres little we can do about that. I was up all night waiting for her and when she got home at 8 am, it really hit the fan. Plus I have all these young children to look after :( my heart breaks. 4 years ago my husband came home and announced he was thinking of divorce. I would do anything for her and she knows this. You have to let go of the past and move on with your life. I hope to find a better job and will be the best dad I can be to my kids. Please take heart in that. So from experience, I know how emotionally tolling that is on your wife. He just kept saying it was his problem. He decided this life, our life, wasnt for him.. To the spouse who wants out . Sometimes all it takes is to know someone believes in you to find the strength. Get on yur knees & Let him fight your battles. Just worry about yourself. he left his family for another women who is 25 and pregnant now, she has a daughter that she lost custody of because of drugs and he is now doing drugs. Scripture adds. When he left me, my mother was furious . ! We have three kids together. I asked him to move out before we settle divorce as I want to respect myself not wanting to wait till august to see if there are really both in live. I know I must choose what to do because living with this internal struggle is making me sick. I told him that Im willing to take him back despite of what hes done but it looks like he cant stop talking to this person. You deserve to be happy, bottom line. Remember : you dont want to be with someone that doesnt want to be faithful and loyal to you. Yet I feel like he checked out and all I did was serve him, and his needs, but felt like he wasnt there for me. I still would. There is no weekends off. Submit your own storyhere, andsubscribeto our free newsletter for our best stories. I threatened to call the police but never did out of fear of having anything to do with that kind of stuff and the kids. Nathan, thats terrible she left you & your kids. Coming back from an affair is possible, but most often the trust is severed and cannot be recovered.

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